Illicit
by MadMar
Summary: In moments like these, wrong can feel so right. A series of fifty Lucius/Astoria drabbles, written as a shuffle challenge. T rating is an average rating.
1. Mr Brightside

Disclaimer: The Malfoys (Astoria included) belong to JK Rowling. Mr. Brightside belongs to The Killers.

* * *

I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't have _kissed_ her. But… it was only a kiss. Only a kiss. And she's only marrying Draco in an hour. I can see it in my head. Today, she'll stand at the altar and take my son's hand in marriage because she's _obligated_ to. Then they'll kiss. It won't have the same passion… How could it? It would be perfunctory. Purely perfunctory….

I can't convince myself. I know that it will eat me alive. I'm helping Draco straighten out his dress robes and all I can think is that in a few hours time, Astoria will be undoing them. Her hands, where mine are. It hardly registers to me that my hands are trembling.

"Relax, father," Draco says, pushing my hands away gently. "You're acting so nervous, one would think _you_ were getting married."

I laugh hoarsely and lick my lips, but I don't lose composure. "My only child is getting married today. I cannot help but be a tad… emotional."

"Don't make it gross," he groans, rolling his eyes.

Too late… I already have… I never meant to taint your special day… But it can't be helped now.

* * *

A/N: For those of you who are unfamiliar with this format, these drabbles are part of an iPod shuffle challenge. I put my iPod on shuffle and have the duration of the song to write a fanfic based off of the song and designated pairing or character. They are a lot of fun and most only last ten songs. This one, however, is where I'm drawing inspiration for future Lucius/Astoria (Lastorius) fics, so I plan to keep it going as long as I can. Please, I know this is not a widely popular ship, so be gentle. Thank you!


	2. Climbing the Walls

The moonlight creeps through the windows. He stirs beside me, his arm pulling me into him. I sigh. I look over to him. Lucius. Tonight is the last night. Tomorrow, we promise ourselves, we will pretend all of this never happened. For honor's sake. For Draco's sake.

But I don't want to hear that I can't have the man I want, the man I love. I can't let him go. He can't let me go. We could escape out the back wall and create a new life….

These are childish fantasies. I know. We're married. We're family. It's so wrong. It's so right. All I know is that tomorrow, he will be gone and I will miss him.

* * *

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are property of JK Rowling. "Climbing the Walls" belongs to The Backstreet Boys


	3. Cemetery Drive

"Are you afraid?"

"Of course not."

These words mark the beginning of the lovers' last conversation. Tomorrow, a jealous husband will know that the two people who were supposed to love him best have betrayed him for an illicit affair. Tomorrow, a young bride will be found on the floor, dead of an "overdose" and her broken lover will have to face life-- and his murderous son-- without her. Draco will have avenged his family honor.

* * *

A/N: I do not own "Cemetery Drive", which is property of My Chemical Romance


	4. What Hurts the Most

This wouldn't hurt so badly if I didn't have to pretend to smile around you. This wouldn't hurt so bad if you weren't so damned honorable. You had a wife, a son, a life to protect. I understand that. I know. But was it worth it? She resents you, for the war, for the affairs, for Draco. And Draco… He's never loved me, never will. And maybe you never loved me. But this past year, that is all that I've done. I've loved you. I would have said anything, given anything, done anything to keep you near me. But you walked away. Walked back to your family. Our family. And you never once asked me what I wanted to do about us.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. The song "What Hurts the Most" belongs to Rascal Flatts.


	5. In Another's Eyes

A/N: Just in case, the normal font is Lucius and the italic font is Astoria.

* * *

I thought Narcissa would be able to tell. But even when I confessed to the affair, she believed with all her heart that I truly left Astoria.

_Draco still loves me. He thinks I'm such an angel. He doesn't even know that when I look into his eyes, I see only Lucius._

She thinks I'm a model husband. Loving and attending… But it's only an illusion. To make up for all I can never be to her. To Astoria. Narcissa wants to fix everything…

…_To keep the flames of our young love alive. But he doesn't see that it's killing me not to tell him that there were never any flames to fan._

* * *

Disclaimer: Lucius, Narcissa and Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy belong to JK Rowling. "In Another's Eyes" belongs to Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks.


	6. The More I See You

I knew when we picked you out for him that you were a beautiful girl. Graceful. Not like your sister. And gentler. I thought that you were what Draco needed. I was wrong. The more I saw you, as you grew, I knew you were what _I_ needed. A fresh start.

That sounds horrid. No. The more I saw you, the more I wanted you. That sounds worse.

You can't imagine how much I've grown to love you over the years. You are kind, gentle, gorgeous, witty, clever… I've tried to convince myself this is wrong, but my heartstrings pull at the mere sound of your name. I can't get you out of my head, Astoria Greengrass. And I won't even try.

* * *

Disclaimer: As per usual, all recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "The More I See You" has been recorded by numerous artists, but the one I'm crediting is Michael Buble, because it's the recording I used.

A/N: Please, don't be shy with reviews! I'd love to hear what any readers think about "Lastorius". Like many authors, I'm not a fan of flames, but constructive criticism is welcome.


	7. How You Remind Me

I'm sick of this life. Except for you. I'm sick of the looks everyone gives me. Society reviles me. Lucius Malfoy, the monster, the murderer. You don't see that, do you? You see me, broken, yes, but you see that I'm human. Otherwise, how could you embrace me? How could you tell me that I can still keep my head high after all I've done?

Tonight, I'm drinking myself under the table. I can hear your voice in my head. You are unapologetic, you encourage me to be so. We should flaunt our affair in front of respectable society. Like we're giving them and all the muggle-lovers the finger. But… part of me knows that I've been wrong before. And this could be just as wrong. It used to be fun, but in the light of day, you and I both are just wrecked up versions of ourselves.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "How You Remind Me" belongs to Nickelback.


	8. I Don't Like Anyone

Daphne tells me I'm lucky. Draco Malfoy—what a catch! But I don't care. He's just a boy. You… you're a man. You're different. And it scares me. I don't like the _boy_ who I'm going to marry. I prefer his _father_. Is it conceit or naivety? I just can't help but think that you're the better catch. If I could only…

You would reject me. My advances would seem so girlish, so stupid. But I want to be with you. Only you. I don't know if you've even noticed, but I hang on your every word. Right now, I'm lying on my bed, and my whole body tingles with excitement at the mere thought of you. I don't like Draco. I don't like anyone. Or at least, I don't like anyone but you.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognized characters belong to JK Rowling. "I Don't Like Anyone" belongs to Jessica Andrews


	9. I Dare You

The whole world was my jail. I was acquitted and escaped Azkaban, but Narcissa's anger with me was far more soul-sucking than any dementor. And then you came into my world.

Astoria, I dare you… No… I beg you to be good to me. I know, I know. Your husband (my son), my wife (your mother-in-law)… But there are things worth risking it all for.

Show me that there is something worth living for. Tell me that I'm worth it. That I deserve your affection. Please. I've wanted to hear those words for so long.

I'll hold you; kiss you like the sun won't come up. Need me the way I need you; feel me the way I feel you; want me the way I want you. I dare you. And I promise you, it will all be worth it in the end.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "I Dare You" is a song by SheDaisy _or_ LeAnn Rimes. I have both on my iPod for some reason.


	10. Never Again

I hope that you think of me tonight, Lucius Malfoy. I hope that when you make love to your wife, you scream out my name instead. I hope you burn in hell.

I wonder what you'd do then. Would you be embarrassed? Would you even care? Probably not, you selfish bastard. If Narcissa actually knew what you did to me, what you took from me, and she still took you back, you deserve each other. Draco and I are running away and I hope we never see your face again.

Oh, and the "apology letter" you wrote me? I burned it. No remorse. My only regret? Thinking that you were ever what I wanted.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Never Again" belongs to Kelly Clarkson.

A/N: Not my usual fare as far as Lastorius or music goes, but it popped up whilst I wrote on shuffle. As per usual, reviews are much appreciated, as I'm curious about thoughts on the ship itself-- as well as my writing. Please, feel free to leave a little comment or two!


	11. Paper Gangsta

"Draco's a perfectly respectable boy, Astoria. I find it insulting that you would discount my only son."

Astoria snorts. "I don't want him. I don't love him. And I won't marry him."

Lucius groans. "Pray tell, why not? We're practically the same. In fact, he's better. He's younger and—"

"That's half of the problem! He hasn't _been_ there. Not like you. You're real, flawed…"

"Oh, thank you. I'm glad to hear that I'm flawed…"

"Draco's so fake. He only does half the things he does for approval. You do things with passion. It would be like comparing ice to diamonds; paper to metal. I want something substantial, real. I don't want to sign away my life to a man who isn't real."

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Paper Gangsta" belongs to Lady Gaga.


	12. Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon

Sunday was beautiful. You were—are beautiful. Light brown eyes. Honey eyes. Curved, unlined lips…. Kissable lips. And now, no one but you and I know that I kissed those lips. Today is Monday and last night replays in my head. I miss you. And I don't typically miss anyone. Today, I am in agony- but it's a good, masochistic ache. The ache of what might have been, what could still be. As last night plays again in my mind, I wonder where we will stand with each other now. If I will be able to look into those eyes. If anyone will ever know that you took me by surprise and that you're all that's on my mind.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon" belongs to the Backstreet Boys.

A/N: From Lucius' point of view. Just noticed that that may not be very clear.


	13. Seperate Ways

"I feel it's oddly appropriate that I should be giving you away," Lucius says loftily.

He doesn't mean to jibe at me about my dead father. We both know that. He's helping me get ready. His long fingers brush my bare back as he does the laces up.

"Mmmm."

"This hurts me as much as it hurts you, darling," he says, this time, his voice more tender.

I catch his eye in the mirror. He turns me around roughly.

"If you ever need anything…. Anything at all…." His voice is quiet, fierce. "I'm here."

"I should hope so, you _will_ be my father in law." My voice is like ice—cold and sharp.

"Don't say it. Don't. That's not why and you know it. I'll be here for you always. If you ever need anything, anything at all, do not hesitate to ask."

"Lucius, I'm marrying your _son_ in _half-an-hour_…"

"If he _ever_ hurts you, if he _ever_ mistreats you, come to me. I love—"

The door opens and he stops mid-sentence. It's Daphne. I glower at her.

"Your gown," he finishes lamely.

But I know what he means. I pull myself gingerly from his grasp. There are tears in my eyes. Daphne asks if we are ready. Lucius nods slowly. When he takes my arm, I notice that we are both trembling.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Seperate Ways" belongs to Journey.


	14. Bad Romance

This is wrong. We both know it. He's older than me. He could be my father. He really could. But it doesn't matter. I accept all of him. As long as it comes to me with love.

It's so wrong. These furtive and heated glances, the stolen kisses in empty corridors of Malfoy Manor. I feel like the heroine of a trashy romance novel. Driven crazy by his touch, by his voice, by his eyes. You think it's all cliché and then it happens to you. And you feel so right and wrong. You enjoy it, however sick it is, but then you hazard a glance over your shoulder, as though you're on the run. But I want it all, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. I want _him._

I don't want to be friends. I don't want to be his daughter in law. I don't want to be free, either. I don't want to be less than lovers.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Bad Romance" belongs to Lady Gaga.


	15. Someone Like You

I wasn't the smart one. No one ever noticed _me._ Daphne was the smart one. The pretty one. The better daughter. But you never gave her a second glance. It was always me you had your eyes on. Always me. And that's so foreign to me. So… strange. And yet, there you are. Your wife asked you if I was the best you could do for Draco. You scowled and said that there was no one better. Draco wasn't excited by the prospect of marrying me. He was still stuck on that Parkinson girl. You told him that I was worth a thousand of her. And that's why I wish it was you I was marrying. Because you cared, when the others didn't.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Someone Like You" is from the musical, "Jeykll and Hyde" and is originally sung by Linda Eder.


	16. I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You

"Miss Greengrass?"

"Mr. Malfoy."

"I must say, you are a most impressive young woman."

A too appreciative smile. A confused, lined forehead. He brings her hand to his lips and she pulls away, but not quickly or without deliberation.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Your piano playing. I heard you in the hall."

"Ah…" She may or may not understand. It almost sounds like a quick cover up on his part, but to assume would be... presumptous. Self-flattering. Awkward. She clears her throat. "Does your son appreciate music as much as you?"

"I'm afraid not."

Silence, then. It's uncomfortable as Lucius Malfoy appraises Astoria Greengrass with discerning, grey eyes.

"Are you here alone, Miss Greengrass?"

"Yes." She doesn't bother lying to him. She almost feels that he would know if she even tried to lie.

"Allow me to walk you home."

Almost begrudgingly, Astoria lets Lucius Malfoy walk her to her family's home. It feels awkward to be alone with him. After all, she knows that her parents and the Malfoys are planning an engagement between herself and Draco. And... yet... That lingering look Lucius Malfoy gives her sends excited chills down her spine. She is wary, of course. She's not a fool. But she knows that the engagement isn't the only reason she caught his eye tonight...

---

_She'd be good for you, Lucius. …For your family. She caught your eye tonight for a reason. She would bring back dignity to the Malfoy name. Grace, charm… Everything any Malfoy man would want in a woman… paired with the Malfoy fortune, she and Draco could produce fine heirs. Yes… Your families could do each other so much good… _

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You" belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and is from his musical "Evita".


	17. As Long As You're Mine

His kiss is strong, impatient. Her embraces tight, passionate. They have this one night. This one moment. It's theirs. Draco is out of town with Narcissa for the weekend, visiting Narcissa's sister and grand-nephew. There's nothing to stop them. No one. They barely make it up the stairs of Malfoy Manor. Months of unspoken attraction and stolen glances; months of careful planning has led to this one moment where all bets are off. And Lucius and Astoria are determined to make the night last.

It's like they're exploring each other. Slowly, relishing every second and each new discovery. They both know that they cannot have a future together, but that doesn't matter. In this one night, they are together. They both know it's a terrible thing to do to the ones they're supposed to love. But when you're with the one you really do love, even the most wicked of betrayals is beautiful.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "As Long As You're Mine" is from the musical "Wicked".


	18. Everything But Mine

She's everything to me. Her laugh; my music. Her words; my holy text. Her heartbeat; my own. When things go wrong, with Draco, with her sister, even with Scorpius, she comes to me and I hold her, console her. At first I thought it was because her own father was killed during the first war, but as time ticked on, I realized that I was much more than a father-figure. Draco wasn't living up to her expectations. Not as a husband, not as a father to her only child. But_ **I**_ had never failed her. Who was it she entrusted Scorpius to most often? Who was it she came to for advice? For support? I was serving the role of father, husband, and confidant and despite all of that, I would never be any of that. Could never be.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Everything But Mine" is yet another Backstreet Boys song. What can I say? As a child of the 90s, they were my first boy band and have therefore earned a special place on my iPod.


	19. Stupid Boy

And I thought I was broken. Stupid, stupid me. I thought that I was helping. Stupid, stupid me. I thought she was beautiful, perfect, different. Stupid Lucius. She was never mine. She _trusted_ me. And what did I do? I took advantage of her weakness. I thought I was so in _control_. Stupid, stupid me. I thought Draco wouldn't notice the difference. Stupid, stupid me. I thought she would be happy with me. Stupid, stupid Lucius. And now she's gone. She ran. She trusted me and I broke that trust. I broke _her_. She might have even loved me.

And the funny thing is that a few years ago, Narcissa told me that all I cared about was my selfish needs, and not the needs of the family. And the one time I try to put the family first, the only one who got what they wanted was me. And then I realized that victory has a bitter aftertaste that I can never wash out. Astoria is never coming back. And it's all my fault.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Stupid Boy" is a song by Keith Urban.

A/N: I'm not sure how I feel about this writing style. It's extremely repetitive, but I hope it got the soliloquy effect I was going for. Comments? Suggestions? Snide remarks about my taste in music? All are welcome. Except the last one. I like to think of my tastes as "eclectic"... Not "lame".


	20. Perfume and Promises

In the afternoon light, the Malfoys make a lovely family portrait. The whole family looks regal, stately, and reasonably content. Happiness is, after all, beneath them. Perhaps that explains why no one smiles.

Astoria Malfoy is the picture-perfect Pureblood wife. She smiles, she engages with guests, she raises her son to be seen and not heard.

Lucius Malfoy is the picture-perfect Pureblood patriarch. He is dignified, faithful—if cold—to his wife, and indulges only his grandson.

But things look different when the light fades and evening begins.

She smiles because she's too tired to cry. She engages with her guests because if she didn't, she'd go mad from loneliness, and if she didn't raise her son to be a little gentleman, her husband would "remedy" the problem with some distant boarding school. She couldn't bear to be parted from Scorpius, who is the only one who elicits a smile from her these days.

He is faithful and cold to his wife because the one time he strayed, he fell in love. Now, the woman he loves is unattainable. He indulges his grandson because he has a guilty suspicion that those blue-grey eyes are bluer than they are grey—like his, not like Draco's. He knows it may not ever be enough, but it's something to be there for the boy who might be his son.

When the light is gone entirely, they drink to block out the memories of their affair. It feels like a lifetime ago. She had been a beautiful young woman, unpracticed in the ways of the world. He had been in his prime. She never cared for her husband; he had fallen out of love with his wife somewhere between the second war and Draco's engagement. He was the Byronic anti-hero of all the storybooks she'd ever read; she was the first damsel in distress he had ever had power to save. They came together in a moment of weakness and realized with horror as the morning light crept in that there was something more there than wish-fulfillment. Affection in a dispassionate world. Love where love was not supposed to be. There is nothing more frightening than knowing that except for this one, forbidden thing, the rest of your life is waste. No matter what else they forget in drunken solitude, they know that their love has been wasted.

In the morning, the hangover hits. Draco and Narcissa pretend not to notice. Maybe they don't. The headache fades, but by afternoon, his promises still ring in her ears and she cannot hide her wistful glances at nothing and her perfume still tickles his nose and he cannot hide the nostalgic smile. But they put on their bravest faces because Astoria and Lucius both know that a crack in the smile is better than a broken home.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Perfume and Promises" is a song by Idina Menzel.


	21. I Like It Rough

My heart won't slow down. It's beating so loud that I can't tell if the pounding I'm hearing is my heartbeat or Draco pounding on the door and calling my name. I know what my husband wants. _Me._ And, Merlin, I wish I could say I wanted him. But I don't. I'm sprawled out on our bed, thinking about a different man. About Lucius. They're so different. Draco is so… hesitant. Like he thinks I'm going to break if he touches me. Lucius… isn't. His kisses are urgent, passionate. Tongue, teeth, lips, everything. Draco is so chaste in comparison, so tentative. I should be thankful, but all I can do is wonder why I prefer the hard and fast tumbles with Lucius to making love with Draco.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "I Like It Rough" is a song by Lady Gaga.


	22. Loving You Against My Will

I don't want to hurt my son. My _only_ son. I don't want to lie to my wife. I don't want to be in love with Astoria Greengrass.

I feel so ashamed when I come to her door. I know what we're doing is wrong. But for every step I take away from her, I take two towards her.

I don't want to see her in my study doorway, wearing only that coy smile on her lips. I don't want to give in to temptation.

I feel so disgusted when I take her in my arms and kiss her lips. I know what we're doing is wrong. But for every moment I hesitate, I kiss her twice.

The more I resist, the weaker I am. I don't want to believe that lust is stronger than love, but I know that it is stronger than I will ever be.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Lovin' You Against My Will" is by Gary Allan


	23. Broken

It's a photograph like any other. She's laughing, smiling, beaming up at me from her frame. I took it from their house one night when I was over for dinner. I keep it in my desk, but I take it out whenever I miss her. Whenever I need her.

I _know _she doesn't love Draco. I can see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice. I want to ride up to their house on a winged horse and sweep her off into the sunset, away from him and towards a happy ending.

But would it really be a happy ending? I am not so different from Draco. Perhaps even a bit more broken, worn down by life than he. Astoria was never meant to be mine. All I have is this photograph and the occasional family get-together. And the gaping hole where I suppose my heart should be.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Broken" is a song by Seether, featuring Amy Lee.


	24. Walk You Home

"It's far too late for a woman to be walking alone."

"Lucius!" Astoria jumps at the sound of his voice. His eyes soften and she hastily wipes her own eyes.

"Did he hurt you?" his voice is gentle, but serious. Not plying or teasing. Just concerned.

"N-no. He hasn't in a long time."

His mouth twists downward, pained. "Is he staying at the Leaky Cauldron tonight?"

"Doesn't he usually?"

"I'll take you to Malfoy Manor. You'll be safe there."

As they walk to the Apparation point, her small, trembling hand finds his large, steady one. Lucius walks Astoria home often these days. Sometimes in silence, sometimes they talk, but always, he makes Astoria feel worthy again.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Walk You Home" is a song by Karmina.


	25. Have You Ever Been in Love

_"Have you ever been in love, Lucius?"_

_The moonlight seeping through the lace curtains cast a delicate glow on Astoria's bare skin. Lucius settled against the pillows and a smile worked its way across his pale features._

_"What do you think this is?" he breathed against her ear, tickling her neck and shoulder._

_---_

Years later, Lucius sat on the same bed, a wide eyed teenager staring at him from the doorway.

"Grandpa, have you ever been in love?"

Lucius' features, prematurely lined, twist for a moment as he tries to best answer Scorpius' question.

"Why?"

"_I'm_ in love."

"Don't let her go for anything, then, Scorp," he says, grinning.

"Father said I had to."

"Don't. It's the worst thing you could do to yourself."

"So… should I ask her to marry me when we finish school?"

"If you think it's wise."

Scorpius threw his arms around the old man. "Thank you, Grandpa! I'll ask Rose to marry me the second we finish school!"

"Wait… Rose who?"

"Weasley, of course. Bye, Grandpa!"

Once upon a time, Lucius would have stopped Scorpius from running after the girl. But he knew that he'd made bigger mistakes than marrying a half-blood. Besides, if Scorpius was anything like his mother, his affections would shift in time to someone more appropriate.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Have You Ever Been in Love" is by Celine Dion.


	26. The Point of No Return

"This is it, then."

It's a statement, not a question. There's no use resisting their feelings. Lucius strokes Astoria's face. His smile is somewhere between loving and lusty.

"Yes, this is it."

"No going back?"

This _is_ a question. Astoria's wide eyes meet his.

"Of course not."

She knows it's wrong to want him, and she doesn't know why she wanted him in the first place. But as his fingers trace the lacing of her dress, she feels it. That ache, that _yearning_. There really is no going back. There are no morals in the land between heaven and hell. There is no question of if, but _when_. She can feel his blood pounding and his lips tracing over her exposed shoulders and back. He turns her around, not quite gently, but not harshly and the gown falls to the ground. His eyes drink her in and their lips meet. They hardly make it to the bed.

"Say you love me," he moans. His breathing is ragged and before she can say anything, his mouth claims hers. She kisses him back greedily. His lips trail down her neck. "Say it…"

It's a guttural sound at first.

"I—" She gasps.

"Say it."

"I… I love…"

"Say it. Say you love me." He's pleading with her. His eyes are begging, his tone is… He pulls away and looks at her. She begins to cry.

"I love you."

He needs her more than she needs him and Astoria doesn't know why. All she knows is that she loves him and in saying it out loud, she has crossed some forbidden line.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "The Point of No Return" belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and is from "The Phantom of the Opera".


	27. Paralyzer

The new bar is crowded, trendy, and pretentious. But it's probably the only place he and Astoria can get away for a night. Every time his eyes sweep over her on the barstool beside him, thoughts race through his head that get his blood pounding. He shouldn't have come here tonight… But… There it is. The devilish smile on his lover's lips, in her eyes. He takes a sip of firewhisky. He wants to get her somewhere more private before he pins her up against the bar right here and now. He wants to find a place where it can be just the two of them. But he doesn't want to make the first move. He wants her to come to him. He cocks his brow and his lips curl upwards. They both know why they're here. It's just a matter of when.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Paralyzer" is a song by Finger Eleven.


	28. Commitment

"What do you _want_ from me, Astoria?"

"Anything?"

"_Everything._" Lucius' voice is a soft, fierce growl.

"Commitment."

He pulls back, lips white as though he has just been punched in the stomach. Shock drains him.

"You want me to leave Narcissa."

"I want a man who will stand by me, only me, for the rest of our lives."

"Isn't there something else you want? Anything else?"

People can't give what they don't have. Astoria knows this, but she cannot be satisfied. That is why she will marry Draco. Because even with all his shortcomings, Draco can devote himself to her, only her, for the rest of their lives.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Commitment" is a song by Leann Rimes.


	29. Please Don't Tell Her

I don't miss her. She wasn't mine, isn't mine. And I don't mind. I can get over her… I am. So don't you dare tell her that I miss her… Because I _don't_.

And I'm _not_ dwelling on her. In fact, I hardly ever think of her. Only when someone mentions her. And besides, even if I _was_ crazy for her… even if I _did_ miss her, she doesn't really need to know. In fact, it'd be better if you told her I don't miss her. Then she'd be free to get on with her life, even if I can't get on with mine. Please, don't tell her that I'm a wreck. That Narcissa left me. That I haven't left the manor in weeks. That I miss her more and more each day. She'd hate to see me like this. And… Besides. It doesn't hurt anymore. Nothing does.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Please Don't Tell Her" belongs to Jason Mraz.


	30. Diary of Jane

There's a Muggle term for her. _Lolita_. Lucius hates the sound of it—hates that he even knows the term. But what he hates even more is being manipulated. She kissed him first. In the foyer. It wasn't a chaste kiss. Probing… Practiced. It should have disgusted him. She _is_ his son's girlfriend and _is_ even younger than Draco. But that devilish twinkle in her eyes as she pulled away from him had excited him in all the wrong ways.

It was no surprise when she kissed him again a week later, that he greedily accepted. Lucius Malfoy is but a man. And Astoria Greengrass is a beautiful girl.

He meets her, sometimes, in forgotten rooms of the manor. Each time he promises himself that it's the last time. But as they emerge, Lucius realizes he likes the smell of her on his skin. That for all their wrongness, these encounters feel… _good._ Better than good. It's the best he's felt in a long time. And he hates himself for it.

And yet, when everyone else is around, she acts like there's nothing there. Like she's never seen him naked, or kissed him, or… She is just… cordial. All the while, Lucius burns. He wants to know where he stands with her, where this affair—if it can even be called that. After all, an affair implies that there's a sort of give-and-take that is almost entirely absent between him and Astoria—fits into his life. But the longer he stares at her, the less he's sure of. He looks away to clear his head. This isn't love. It's sick. And yet, there are desperate moments where Lucius wonders if maybe, just maybe, it's more than lust.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Lolita" is a term coined by Vladimir Nabokov through his novel of the same name. "Diary of Jane" belongs to Breaking Benjamin.


	31. Take Me Away

"Well, there's only one thing we _can_ do."

Lucius raises a brow, but says nothing. His blue-grey eyes look tired… Desperate. Only a few feet away, an issue of the Daily Prophet, emblazoned with "Malfoy's Mistress?" and a picture of Astoria dodging cameras as she leaves Malfoy Manor, glares up at them. Only moments ago, he'd crumpled it up and thrown it into the wall with as much force as he could muster. Now, it lay at his feet in a ball. He hadn't even bothered to kick it away on the rebound.

"We have to leave England."

Lucius' eyes, practically bleary only moments ago, are fully focused. His lips part, as if he's going to speak. Instead, he laughs.

"Astoria, darling. Your creativity and wild imagination are qualities I admire," he says at long last. "But running away…"

He's done so much running away in his life that he knows what he's talking about. If there is anything Lucius Malfoy fears nowadays, it's running away. It has never served him well.

"Lucius, do you love me?"

"Of course. You know I do."

"Do you have a better solution?"

He sputters. No coherent thoughts escape his lips. Astoria finally quiets him with a swift kiss.

"They don't understand us. The reporters, our families…"

He only winces slightly at the mention of families. He and Narcissa have been divorced for three years, but Draco was still family… And it was true. He _didn't_ understand. And he never would.

"As long as we're here, everybody watches us. Judges us. Lucius, I will run to the ends of the earth to be with you."

He frowns. "This shouldn't be so complicated."

"It's always going to be complicated. At least, until we get away from England."

His frown deepens for a moment, then, he sighs and smiles. She's the one person he cannot resist. "So, where are we going?"

Astoria shrugs and pulls in close to him. "I'll run with you wherever you want to go. "

He kisses her tenderly. His smile doesn't fade when he pulls away.

"Pack your bags, Astoria. That is, if you don't object to a holiday in the Riviera."

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling. "Take Me Away" belongs to FeFe Dobson.


End file.
